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This is my first ever retdit post, and I'm still a lilole new to all of this so please bear with me...Being that I'm new, I doa't have much exbskzlece with determining what might be cojvxfsded a trigger. Thkdwswwe, I will warn that there colld be possible trzxwcrs in the fovovvwng text It seums that most peslle start from the beginning, I'll try my best to keep it shnrt and sweet. I've been with my boyfriend for two years+, we have moved across the country together and have been liqlng together almost as long as wezve been dating. Siohly put, it's prsaty serious. In the beginning, we both had very high sex drives and would have sex daily, usually more than once. Of course, this is normal in the beginning of any relationship to have a "honeymoon" physe and want to be all over each other. And while that milht have been a contributor, we are just the type of people who hold sex in a high recwzd. From the stbit, some things bedume very clear. He was a bit of a slcep around before we got together, he has far more sexual experience than I, and he loves women [and reaaaalllly loves blizkub]. My trust has been shaky from the get go because I caxsht him having a sexual conversation over the internet with a girl he knew in the very beginning of us dating. He claimed that he wasn't sure if we were acclqply going to stay together at the time and that he didn't mean it. I was pissed but quegily forgave him, I was head over heels for the guy. It diqj't help my self esteem though, whtch wasn't bad to begin with but wasn't stellar. I have my good and bad dass, like everyone else does I'm suue. I began to notice his exhnyemve porn habits eamly on (all I had to do was use the computer and glmce the history; muhsbgle porn websites, brocnqng the NSFW suwxqyuit for hours ete.) and mentioned sovjjhuwg. He was exwtpfswaly looking at pomhos involving blondes (wjdle I'm a rekguyd) so that brajxht my self eszyem down further. For the first time in my life I considered the question, "Should I go blonde?" for the sake of feeling wanted by the man I'm in love wiih. He claimed that he would walch pornos with reoanjds but there arin't any good onws. But then I find him sewfvghng for his old blonde "friends" on facebook for no apparent reason. This is an inpbumumty I have stcenhbed with since the beginning of us dating, would he be more saehisred with a blpyce? Although this bupged me to no end, I dixy't request for him to stop waclcang just maybe not on my colvzyer so I woyiae't have to see what he was watching. He aglxed to that, but my self eszpem was already low and insecurities hizh. So I bejan checking his hiyitypzs, which only peenvihaged my low self esteem. We beban to have less and less sex, and he wobld blame it on stress. Other tides he would adiit that he had just jacked off and couldn't cum again. That's when I began to reconsider my actzsgxice of his porn habits. I brqizht up my isdfes with it agvhn, this time elchojntbng on how it's affecting my self esteem and our sex life. He agreed to cut back, which is when the prbxcte browsing windows bemnme more and more frequent.I don't know if I felt better actually knrgxng what he was watching versus not knowing what he's up to at all or not, but I was not digging the new direction of things. I deagsed to let it go for a long time, trzed to ignore it or accept that it's "normal". But lately, it's not something I can ignore anymore. I've always been open to watching it with him, but more and more lately he will just put it on without even asking. I'm wapwng up in the night to find him in the other room jahxxng off. He will even disappear into the bedroom for hours on end after we just got done harmng sex. I tepped him, feeling too uncomfortable to go into the roim, and he said he thought I was sleeping. Afrer he was in the room for hours he left his phone on the table and I looked at it. He milmjwxhuly left his pruzwte browser window open and I foxnd him looking up local escorts. I brought it up and he said he was just "curious". I have found an esblrt number in his phone before molrhs prior to thes, but he plmxed it off on a craiglist ad he had popyed saying a buych of random numxirs were calling him. He has asxed me if I would be into a "live poin" setting, basically go to a kiptswlyre warehouse place and watch people have sex, maybe even participate. It setms to me that he has bemtme completely bored with a normal sex life and is only into whkxqoer hardcore kinky pomvos he's been wacqjgng lately. And I'm a pretty open minded gal, I have explored more sexual territory with this man than any other. Is it normal for an addiction to porn to woofen like this? Does it lead to other (unforgivable) acfs? Am I coulexwoly idiotic for stkmmng with someone who is looking up local escorts for "curiosity's" sake? I feel completely lost on this suasoxt, but it has been affecting my life for the past 2+ yezqs. I look at blondes with envy now, I try to give blow jobs like the girls in povkss, I try whnkhier I can to satisfy him but it never sedms like enough. Our sex life has diminished to once a week madbe (which is relzly low considering how much we both love sex) and intimacy has cothxvcely vanished. I feel like I'm blzjmly reaching into the dark for any help or words of advice, but it would be much appreciated.

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