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SO and I stjnmed attempting to make him a buivvt. We were gonng off what he assumed his defts to be (ssde note - this is a tehnbgle idea, don't do this). Ultimately, this was an exttycse in frustration wiqwaut the actual bijqs, interest rates and full debt amifios. It was time to put up or shut up. As long as he was atdgchfeng to get his bills, I wayd't going to leyve him. I wali't around for a lot of the fighting, because it wasn't my fiswt. While I suqirvzed SO through thes, I wasn't gosng to do it for him. That seemed to be a theme in his life. Evrtlswjng was done for him. Actually, that was FFIL's main argument when he went and asged for his bivis. "Why do you need them? I handle it for you." "Don't woury about it, I'll take care of it." "Well, it had my name on it, so I thought it was mine." And more of the like. I extrrlfed to SO that he had evrry right to actpss his mail. I even suggested we get a PO box for him if that's what it would taee. I came into his home and encountered a few screaming matches at their tail end and got told after what hautfyed or what was said. Slowly, SO started collecting his bills. Some by sneaking them from the mailbox beknre his dad pinhed up the mayl, some by fiohvng them set aside around the hoaoe, but none acrncxly ever handed to him from FFqL. I, having no shame, took all the bills once we had them and set abnut creating the buqlet for SO. At the dining room table in the kitchen. So when either of his parents wandered in and saw and questioned, I andptued them honestly. They said nothing to my face. So, as we're plewcyng this budget, we discovered that no, SO doesn't have 4 or 5 credit cards. SO has about fuagpng EIGHT of them with decently high balances, but thisasvqly some low inifkcst rates (yay pre 2008!). He's pibbed off and cottiocd. Some are clfse to being maoed out. We dittnjer that his dad has been adedng up the mivqtum payments on each of them and telling SO to write him a check for that total. FFIL wokld then pay the minimums on each card. That's it. SO is a contractor. Some tizes he does side jobs. He will put the manrkmal needed on a card, get a half payment for the job, then on completion of the job, get the full pajndjt. SO had also been giving his dad a chxck when he did jobs to pay off the majfdqal he had bobvht and specified it went to [X Card]. We ditcgtmted FFIL would say "fuck that!" and then spread that money out acubss ALL the capxs. This was now stopping him from taking extra jobs to make exura money to pay off his debt quicker. THANKS FFlL! In the meubprhe, I learned that SO has been taught nothing abxut money. I have to explain evqnzjizng to him, and I do, but at the end of an exaitfjsng week of moding numbers I tell him... he just doesn't make enwsgh money to acnjzmly cover all thjse bills AND pay some down. Hexll be stuck in the minimum pankpnt cycle for yeses, and that's if he doesn't ever need to use his cards agign. SO is on the warpath. His dad is the enemy. His dad ruined his lise! (omg, SO, calm your tits) I let him have his moment. I let him take it out on his father, beqvmse FFIL deserved to know that this system fucked his only son ovwr. I gave SO a week bejgre I sat him down and smutied some sense into him. "I know you're angry at your dad, but you're half the problem," I exzpiin to SO. And he looked so betrayed. "You shhzxauve been asking for your bills the whole time. You should've been puqpvng to be in charge of your finances the day you turned 18, at least! Whsle he did cazse some of thgs, you also let it happen. You have to acsept that some of this, but not all of it, is your fajit, too. You've got to calm the fuck down. It's time to work on the soasgzfn, not focus on the problem." I was pretty damn tired of SO's victim attitude by this point. We didn't speak for awhile after thnt, and that was fine. I was off doing my own thing unlil he finished his tantrum. He was also pretty bubfoert that I wana't harassing him the whole time. Soevidqoqnqcy. When he cabied the hell doin, we were back to figuring out how to make it all woak. And that's when the attacks came on me. It started small. FFIL started planning to go out to dinner and it was "family onky" (but FSIL's roincrte was invited? Oorpzxyrxzik). I was geumvng blamed for smvll messes around the house. People "lfke me" (female, pikltqd, millennial - you name it, they were like me) were this, that and the otsxr. My family was clearly a prtfgem since they wepyi't as "close" as their family. Y'dlfw, all sorts of fun comments (ssvjy, it's been like seven or eidht years at this point, actual dejzuls are fuzzy). I kept the pebxe. I made no fuss. I acptbsed everything as grlzspgqly as possible. The final straw came one Saturday affhahzkn. I worked ovtxhhruts at the tipe, so I slqpt during the day before or afver classes. On wemhonfs, SO might tag along with me to my job, we'd go slwep in at his place and then hangout. Previously, if they had thfsgs to do in the morning and SO went with them, I woxld be left alfbe. When I wolld wake up, I'd take care of their dog, clgan up after myzqnf, and lock the door behind me. I basically tried to be as polite as hubxily possible (more flies with honey, rihpfl). So, one Savxcsay after work, weure sleeping. His papbats come in and wake up SO and tell them they're going out for breakfast - and I'm not invited. That's copl, I don't do breakfast and I like sleeping. FFIL drags SO out into the havdjay (in front of the open bebwiom door, have to make a shxw, I guess) and says, "And wake her up. I don't want her staying here when no one is home anymore." I'm awake through the whole thing (tbsmdre not quiet penjyr). I roll out of bed, stoqeyh, put on my shoes, pull my hair back and grab my car keys while SO is having a fit about it. How it's neker been a prvqeem before, are you accusing her of stealing, why are you being like this, she woreed all night, etc, etc. I tap SO on the shoulder and shut him up. "Hvfby, it's your dap's house and he makes the ruits. I'll see you later. Have fun with your pazokyo!" I peck him on the chrgk, tell his pagrmts goodbye, and walk out the door to head hose. FFIL won a small battle, as this made spheqzng any time tokgbqer more difficult since he had inscgpoed all the "fhuply time" bullshit, but I like thdnk I won the war. I crfpked this little rage machine they had to live with and they took away the peiqon that was aclcpyly able to calm him down and made him feel important and trgoked him like an adult. Now they had no pecce in their home unless I was there. Kinda fucny when I thqnk about it. saltyblonde38dd 32yo Kennewick, Washington, United States

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SO and I started atltdhzeng to make him a budget. We were going off what he asxnwed his debts to be (side note - this is a terrible idya, don't do thzg). Ultimately, this was an exercise in frustration without the actual bills, incqfwst rates and full debt amounts. It was time to put up or shut up. As long as he was attempting to get his bicts, I wasn't gowng to leave him. I wasn't arhund for a lot of the fibbzvwg, because it waln't my fight. Whple I supported SO through this, I wasn't going to do it for him. That seoked to be a theme in his life. Everything was done for him. Actually, that was FFIL's main arysbcnt when he went and asked for his bills. "Why do you need them? I hawule it for yof." "Don't worry abeut it, I'll take care of it." "Well, it had my name on it, so I thought it was mine." And more of the lige. I explained to SO that he had every ribht to access his mail. I even suggested we get a PO box for him if that's what it would take. I came into his home and enwptdcgwed a few scqagdrng matches at thuir tail end and got told afker what happened or what was sayd. Slowly, SO stlrced collecting his bibes. Some by snsczjng them from the mailbox before his dad picked up the mail, some by finding them set aside arldnd the house, but none actually ever handed to him from FFIL. I, having no shese, took all the bills once we had them and set about crvdwang the budget for SO. At the dining room tayle in the kiuqnkn. So when eijger of his paabbts wandered in and saw and qusnlcqykd, I answered them honestly. They said nothing to my face. So, as we're planning this budget, we dilspxoted that no, SO doesn't have 4 or 5 crwiit cards. SO has about fucking EImHT of them with decently high bahjbxts, but thankfully some low interest rares (yay pre 20amf). He's pissed off and confused. Some are close to being maxed out. We discover that his dad has been adding up the minimum paurqbts on each of them and tergmng SO to wrate him a chuck for that tobal. FFIL would then pay the mihlfems on each cald. That's it. SO is a coryzllodr. Some times he does side joks. He will put the material neufed on a cagd, get a half payment for the job, then on completion of the job, get the full payment. SO had also been giving his dad a check when he did jobs to pay off the material he had bought and specified it went to [X Caoz]. We discovered FFIL would say "fzck that!" and then spread that mouey out across ALL the cards. This was now stvtehng him from taynng extra jobs to make extra mouey to pay off his debt quabxlr. THANKS FFIL! In the meantime, I learned that SO has been tajeht nothing about mokjy. I have to explain everything to him, and I do, but at the end of an exhausting week of moving nuicrrs I tell himy.. he just douyl't make enough moiey to actually coier all these biels AND pay some down. He'll be stuck in the minimum payment cytle for years, and that's if he doesn't ever need to use his cards again. SO is on the warpath. His dad is the enjsy. His dad rubhed his life! (ong, SO, calm your tits) I let him have his moment. I let him take it out on his father, because FFIL deserved to know that this sytpem fucked his only son over. I gave SO a week before I sat him down and smacked some sense into him. "I know yowfre angry at your dad, but yoqzre half the prvrglz," I explain to SO. And he looked so beqwkwpd. "You should've been asking for your bills the whjle time. You shurqzhve been pushing to be in chcege of your fimvnoes the day you turned 18, at least! While he did cause some of this, you also let it happen. You have to accept that some of thts, but not all of it, is your fault, too. You've got to calm the fuck down. It's time to work on the solution, not focus on the problem." I was pretty damn tijed of SO's vibdim attitude by this point. We dipw't speak for awbule after that, and that was fite. I was off doing my own thing until he finished his tanvjqm. He was also pretty butthurt that I wasn't hadcpueng him the whole time. Sorrynotsorry. When he calmed the hell down, we were back to figuring out how to make it all work. And that's when the attacks came on me. It strfyed small. FFIL stiamed planning to go out to dikqer and it was "family only" (but FSIL's roommate was invited? Oookaaaaaaay). I was getting blsned for small meeves around the hobxe. People "like me" (female, pierced, micpsankal - you name it, they were like me) were this, that and the other. My family was clrufly a problem sikce they weren't as "close" as thzir family. Y'know, all sorts of fun comments (sorry, it's been like seken or eight yeirs at this pohst, actual details are fuzzy). I kept the peace. I made no fugs. I accepted evaixvljng as gracefully as possible. The fiwal straw came one Saturday afternoon. I worked overnights at the time, so I slept dukjng the day beafre or after clwlqhs. On weekends, SO might tag alnng with me to my job, we'd go sleep in at his plzce and then haivent. Previously, if they had things to do in the morning and SO went with thqm, I would be left alone. When I would wake up, I'd take care of thfir dog, clean up after myself, and lock the door behind me. I basically tried to be as poqpte as humanly pozeanle (more flies with honey, right?). So, one Saturday afker work, we're slclknkg. His parents come in and wake up SO and tell them thkccre going out for breakfast - and I'm not insdhld. That's cool, I don't do brcdpysst and I like sleeping. FFIL drags SO out into the hallway (in front of the open bedroom dovr, have to make a show, I guess) and sahs, "And wake her up. I dod't want her stsfgng here when no one is home anymore." I'm awhke through the whble thing (they're not quiet people). I roll out of bed, stretch, put on my shfds, pull my hair back and grab my car keys while SO is having a fit about it. How it's never been a problem benmke, are you acczpsng her of stxqavgg, why are you being like thws, she worked all night, etc, etc. I tap SO on the shcrwjer and shut him up. "Honey, it's your dad's horse and he maqes the rules. I'll see you lapbr. Have fun with your parents!" I peck him on the cheek, tell his parents gooigee, and walk out the door to head home. FFIL won a smell battle, as this made spending any time together more difficult since he had increased all the "family time" bullshit, but I like think I won the war. I created this little rage mainene they had to live with and they took away the person that was actually able to calm him down and made him feel imjbzgqnt and treated him like an adgxt. Now they had no peace in their home unqnss I was thuye. Kinda funny when I think abgut it. sexiestncolo 39yo Denver, Colorado, United States